So your husband is addicted to porn …

Krista Ortiz

“My husband has been hiding an addiction to pornography,” she said, barely finishing her sentence before she began to cry into her hands in the dark corner of a coffee shop.

I listened as my friend wrestled with the shock and the lies, the betrayal and the shame, while memories flooded back to when my own marriage resulted in lies.

"What could I possibly say to comfort her broken heart?" I thought to myself as she cried.

"Tell her what I told you when your heart broke," God instructed.

That’s exactly what I did, and it’s what I will do again today. I believe they are the same words God speaks over you and the current state of your heart.

3 Things God Says To You When Your Husband Is Addicted To Pornography

1. It’s not your fault.

When the truth about my husband’s addiction surfaced, I searched frantically for what I did wrong. Maybe I didn’t affirm him enough. Maybe I should have lost the baby weight faster or worn lingerie more and sweatpants less. It’s my fault he lost interest, I would tell myself.

"It’s not your fault," God said to my fears and deepest insecurities. "And it’s not Mine either."

James 1:13-14 says, “God cannot be tempted by evil nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.”

There will be days you will struggle to believe your husband’s addiction is not about you and the baby weight. There will be others, when you will (so palpably) believe God has forgotten about you, or even worse, that He is punishing you. But don’t allow yourself to be deceived; it’s not your fault, and it’s not God’s, either (James 1:16).

And, it’s definitely not about the dang sweatpants.

2. You are not alone.

It’s Satan who lies to our men by luring them into an online rendezvous with the pretty little blonde with the plastic surgery. (And for that reason I imagine Satan must pat himself on the back every time he gets a man to leave the woman who vowed to love him before God, for countless who don’t even offer their real name.)

Satan lies to you, too: by telling you you’re all alone. But you are far from it.

In fact, the statistics are staggering. Approximately two-thirds (64 percent) of U.S. men view pornography at least monthly. Eighteen percent of all men either think that they are addicted or are unsure if they are addicted to pornography, which equates to 21 million men. The number of Christian men viewing pornography virtually mirrors the national average, according to the Proven Men survey.

Those 21 million men represent roughly another 21 million women and marriages that will be swept up in the same hopelessness you feel yourself crumbling under today.

Psalm 23:4 says, “Even though I walk through the darkest valley…you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

Pornography is a dark valley you and your husband would never have chosen to walk through. I know, because my husband and I have had to painstakingly walk it ourselves. (Though for us, at times it was more of a crawl.)

But God hasn’t left us to navigate this alone.

3. Leave your husband (at the feet of Jesus).

When I first found out my husband was addicted to porn, I installed accountability software on the computer, bought the recommended self-help books, and the expensive lingerie. Once, I even googled, “How to tell if my husband is lying” in an attempt to fix my spouse.

When my attempts failed year after year, I was certain I had no other choice but to leave my husband. But God gave me a different option: leave him at the feet of Jesus.

I was certain I had no choice but to leave my husband. But God gave me a different option.

Luke 4:40 says, “At sunset, the people brought to Jesus all who had various kinds of sickness, and laying his hands on each one, He healed them.”

Jesus never asked us to trust in our own ability to change our husbands. He doesn’t even ask us to trust our husband’s ability to change themselves! Jesus asks us to trust in our God’s ability to heal our husband, saying, "I love him, I forgive him, and the touch of My hand can heal him!"

So don’t let another day go by. Leave your husband — and your many virtuous but failed attempts at saving your marriage — at the feet of Jesus.

And for the love of all that is holy, stop blaming the sweatpants.

Read more on pornography and marriage.