Session 2

What it means for two people to become one

From Tighten The Knot: 14 Days to a Better Marriage

We are told from the outset that in marriage “two become one.” But with all the differences between you and your spouse, how is it possible to be unified in anything? 

Think of all the elements working against a married couple. Our differences in preference and personality, upbringing and experience make chemistry practically impossible. Add to this the temptations and frustrations attacking marriage from every side. It’s a miracle that two people, so different, can come together on anything. 

Thankfully, God made a way for couples to experience oneness in marriage. We become one flesh when we marry, but God doesn’t stop there. He graciously continues to unify our hearts and minds as we each grow in our relationship with Jesus. 

As each person seeks to put off their old life and take on the mind and heart of Christ, God aligns our hearts and minds in marriage. Simply put, as we move closer to Jesus individually, we move closer to each other in marriage. 

True intimacy in marriage is impossible without Jesus. Without Him, we are locked in a futile battle over preferences and personalities. With Christ at the center, we both change — not to become like our spouse, but to become more like Jesus. The old preferences and personality quirks give way to sacrificial love modeled by Jesus. In short, the path to marital intimacy is paved with the pursuit of our personal relationship with Jesus. 

Without Jesus at the center, our differences only serve as a wedge between us. For example, is there a difficulty in your marriage? Before talking about this topic together, take your concerns to the Father through prayer. Watch God pull you together despite your differences. Watch God use your differences to complement one another. 

You may still disagree on the issue, but with the proper perspective, the process of wrestling together will improve intimacy, not destroy it. 

Question for him:

• Read Ephesians 5:22-33. What are the specific areas in your marriage where you can “give yourself up” for your bride? 

Question for her:

• Read Ephesians 5:22-33. What are the specific ways you can show respect to your husband as he follows Jesus? 

Questions to talk about together:

• Read Ephesians 4:21-24 together. What does the process of “taking off the old” and “putting on the new” look like for you? How could this affect your marriage?