Abigail left behind her shame

She wanted to heal from her past. At Gauntlet she learned how.

If I am holding on to the pain of what happened, then I can’t move on and enjoy the freedom the Father has to offer.

Growing up, I had always wanted to go to church, but my family never wanted to go. As I got older, I began to run. I started to look for happiness in the wrong places. I drank, partied, wrestled with same-sex attraction, and had a boyfriend that was not the best for me. I would starve myself, just trying to find confidence in who I was. My parents got divorced, and it was hard for all of us. My sister is a drug addict, so everything with that has been crazy.

***

Honestly, I didn’t think God could satisfy me. How could He really love me? I have done so many things, how could He love me unconditionally? I thought I was too sinful and did too many bad things.

***

How I met Jesus is kind of a funny story actually. My leader "kidnapped" me. I did not want to go to Gauntlet, but she told me to be ready at 5 because she was coming to pick me up to spend the night with her. I pushed back the first part of the week because I did not want to be there. Then, on Wednesday, something changed in me during the worship part. It was that night I gave my life to Christ. Still to this day, that moment was the most powerful thing I have ever experienced. I got baptized a year later.

***

My story is nothing I should be ashamed of, but instead, something that should be shared. The Holy Spirit is showing me that no one is too far gone, and no one has sinned too much. Everyone messes up at some point in their life, and if Jesus is able to forgive, so can I. If I am holding on to the pain of what happened, then I can’t move on and enjoy the freedom the Father has to offer.