Session 13

Are you forgetting your first love?

From Tighten The Knot: 14 Days to a Better Marriage

For many married couples, adding kids to the family is the next “natural” progression in life. The joy you feel when you look into that sweet baby face is met with equal amounts of insecurity, fear, and doubt as they grow and change.

If we’re not intentional, our focus drifts toward our children, and our marriage takes the back seat. Pretty soon, we only share a room and a busy schedule with our spouses. We start to feel less like lovers and more like ships passing in the night.

Marriage is meant for more. We were designed to experience intimacy with God first and our spouses second, then to invest in our children together. 

In Genesis 2, God forms the first family. God created Adam, and Adam’s first relationship was with God alone. When God found no helper suitable for Adam, He put Adam to sleep and created Eve. Eve’s first relationship was also with God alone. After Adam and Eve are united with each other, they go forth and multiply. 

Love each other first, then the kids. 

Even in the early church, as men and women grappled with how to follow Jesus, the apostles’ instructions to Christian parents are to love each other first, then the kids. 

While wives and husbands are to love and submit to one another, the relationship between parents and kids is different (Colossians 3:18-21). Our spouses are our lifetime partners, our kids are our legacy. 

One day, our kids will start families of their own. The best gift we can give our children is an example of two adults pursuing a personal relationship with Jesus and a deeper love for each other. Seeing this creates a safe environment for our children. It also serves as an example of what their relationship with Jesus and their future marriage can look like.

No family is perfect, but every family can make the choice to be different. We can check our priorities and arrange them to honor God first, our spouse second, and our kids third. When we make this shift, everyone wins.

Question for him:

• What would it look like for you to “go all out in love” for your wife this week? (Colossians 3:19, MSG)

Question for her: 

• What would it look like for you to “understand and support your husband” by submitting to him? (Colossians 3:18, MSG)

Question to talk about together:

• Open your calendars and examine where you’re spending your time. What needs to change in order to make God your first priority and your spouse your second priority?