Session 9

The best sex is sacred

From Tighten The Knot: 14 Days to a Better Marriage

God created sex, and it is good! 

When God brought Adam and Eve together in the Garden of Eden for the first marriage ceremony, they were naked and had no shame (Genesis 2:25).

The Bible has a high view of sex in a covenant marriage between husband and wife. Hebrews 13:4 says everything about the marriage bed is pure and holy. So shame, awkwardness, or inhibitions don’t belong there. 

The Bible says to enjoy sex and dedicates an entire book, the Song of Solomon, to celebrating the sensual side of marriage — sometimes in explicit detail (Proverbs 5:18-19). 

Sex is so important to a happy marriage that the apostle Paul warns spouses not to withhold sex or use it as a bargaining chip. Sex is so holy and good that only prayer can take its place, for a short, mutually-agreed upon season (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).

As with all good gifts from God, sex is under constant attack by the enemy. Whether it’s the physical demands of our schedules or nighttime routines that kill romance, sex in marriage can become an afterthought — dutiful, selfish, or lazy.

The key to great sex in a great marriage is to hold sex in high honor. God wants us to see sex as a sacred, spiritual act, a way to worship Him for the gift of your spouse. Making time for sex and learning what it takes to make sex more pleasurable for each other is the most basic way to show that it matters to God and it matters to you. 

Better sex is not an athletic feat to achieve, but a spiritual connection to be more fully expressed.

Elevating our view of sex requires open communication about each other’s expectations, likes and dislikes, discomforts, and struggles. In a culture of sexual brokenness, our attitudes and feelings toward sex are often filled with lies.

Most importantly, sex can’t be treated as separate to your marriage. The best sex is a celebration of the trust, intimacy, safety, affection, and service inside your marriage. Better sex is not an athletic feat to achieve, but a spiritual connection to be more fully expressed.

Questions for him:

• Is your attitude toward sex more than just physical? How would your wife see that?

Questions for her:

• What emotional barriers do you have to sex, if any? Where do those barriers come from?

Question to talk about together:

• What’s one physical and one emotional way you can improve your sex life?