Session 10

Why dreaming together is a powerful practice

From Tighten The Knot: 14 Days to a Better Marriage

We were designed to dream. 

According to psychologists and neuroscientists, looking into the future, consciously and unconsciously, is uniquely human and a central function of our brains. While other animals consider the future — ants store food, squirrels bury nuts — no other member of God’s creation plans as far out as we do and experiences the joy we get from looking ahead to what could be. 
 
God wired us to plan for the future. He put a longing for eternity in our hearts, like a beacon guiding us toward Him (Ecclesiastes 3:11). So it shouldn’t surprise us that when taking the time to dream, to consider what is and what could be, it draws us closer to God and each other. 

God put a longing for eternity in our hearts, like a beacon guiding us toward Him. 

We all have our five-year plans. Maybe they aren’t written down. And maybe you’ve never shared your dreams with anyone else. But we all have them. We are dreamers at our core, and when we marry, our spouse’s dreams should become ours as well. 

Planning for the future is an opportunity to build trust. Sharing our hearts’ desires requires vulnerability. It also puts us in a position to trust Jesus with the unknown. 

Proverbs 16:2-3 reminds us that, “All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” 

If we want our plans to matter for eternity, we need Jesus at the center of them. We get easily distracted by what looks good, but Jesus reveals what is good. When we’re tempted to manipulate our spouse into seeing things our way or to put our dreams ahead of theirs, Jesus reminds us that serving each other brings greater joy than getting our own way. 

Marriage is a commitment to mutual submission, to helping one another be who God made us to be. Unexpressed expectations will always lead to resentment. But when we plan together and pray together, we move forward together. 

Question for him:

• Where do you see yourself in five years?

Question for her:

• Where do you see yourself in five years?

Questions to talk about together:

• What do you want to be different in your marriage this time next year? 

• What are your dreams for your family? Your career? Your relationships with others?